Jedi Knight E.T.

The boy, Elliot, putted a white sheet over me claiming it was a disguise. Apparently I was finally allowed to go out into the outside world. The younglings kept repeating a word to me I guess trying to explain the reasoning of the sheet. Today was Halloween? That was a strange concept to me as the younglings came out of their rooms one by one in an entirely new wardrobe. At first glance my eyes widened as I saw a sharp object coming out of Michael’s head. Studying him more carefully, I saw it only as a trick, a cruel one if not that. Elliot’s choice of wardrobe was more acceptable, wearing a pair of trousers with a normal top. The only piece of clothing that was different was that he was wearing a robe.

A robe.

It reminded me of home.

“E.T. come on!” Elliot shouted but whispered to not draw attention.

Taking my first step out of the living quarters, I closed my eyes, feeling the world around me. I allowed the Force to take over, honing my senses to be alertful. With a quick nod, I noted how no disturbances were near. Knowing this, it would be easier to deal with my new surroundings as I sense many lifeforms out and about.

Rushing me on along, Elliot grabbed my hand practically dragging me along with him. The two holes in the sheet Michael cutted into was becoming harder to see through, not to mention my air was becoming stale. Each time I tried taking the sheet off, however, both of the boys would immediately slide it back on, huffing in annoyance.

This planet, Earth I believe what the younglings have told me, was a strange one. There customs were definitely unique. These Humans, I have concluded, are very primitive to my own galaxy, and the way the younglings have reacted when seeing me proved that aliens were not common on this planet.   

All around, younglings were roaming around freely, each carrying a bag. Similar to how the boys were dressed up, so were these other younglings. Some looked to be princesses while others were like the Goblins I ran into once while on a mission. I had no idea whether this was part of Halloween or this was their customs.

In the distance, I could tell what looked to be Master Yoda. That couldn’t be though as he had been dead for decades. Perhaps it was another of his species. Getting excited, I tried to follow the green being, but again the boys wouldn’t allow me, dragging me in the direction they were wanting to go.

I wish these Humans spoke Basic or any language I knew or even heard of!

Sighing, I knew this was gonna be a long day.

Jedi at Hogwarts

“I’m a Jedi. I’ve always been a Jedi. The Jedi discovered me when I was only two years ago. I’ve grown up in the halls of the Temple. I don’t know any other life besides this one. My dream has always been to be a Jedi Knight. Just the thought of making a difference, saving a being’s life warms me up. I’ve always thought it was like my destiny.

However, now it seems not. A few months ago was my eleventh birthday. It’s not suppose to be anything important, not for a Jedi Initiate at least. For Jedi, turning thirteen is the milestone. That is when a Master will start following you around, always showing up when you turn a corner. They carefully watch you in lightsaber practice, a place where you can show off your mastery of the Force.

Anyways, the Jedi Council told me I had a choice. Initiates aren’t suppose to know anything about their past until their twelfth birthday, but they were allowing me to know a year earlier. I had thought that was strange walking into the Council Room, but I had ignored all feelings which turned into a mistake.

Apparently, my father was a Jedi. He, like me, was discovered at a young age and became a Jedi Knight. What makes him different is that . . . sorry, I’m still not sure how I feel about this . . . but he left the Jedi Order. He was one of the Lost Twenty. I see you’re confused. The Lost Twenty is when the Jedi leaves the Jedi Order for pretty much no reason. According to my father, he did have a good reason. He had found love.

The Jedi had sent him on a mission. A very special, top secret kind of mission, confidential. I don’t even know the details of it. The Archives were empty and the Masters wouldn’t tell me a thing but I guess somehow he had traveled into another galaxy. At first I thought that was mind blowing. Sure we learned about other galaxy in my seventh year, but they were just legends. Because see, they believed, the historians I mean, believed that Humans weren’t from where I come from, but from another galaxy. I guess it’s true though. I mean, I don’t see any aliens or droids walking around amongst you all.

That was another thing. Once I learned that my father traveled into another galaxy, he had found love. Love is very dangerous for a Jedi. Attachments are forbidden. It can turn you to the dark side and no one wants to be a part of that. No, they don’t have cookies. What’s that?

Well, I was conceived and when I was born, of course, I begin to exhibit the ability to use the Force. The Force? Haha, well the Force is what gives the Jedi his power. It’s an energy field created by all living things. It surrounds us and penetrates us. It binds the galaxy together.

See, well, I have no memory, but apparently my father tried to train me to contain my abilities, but you know I was a toddler. I guess I didn’t understand what he was trying to tell me. So because they were afraid, they sent me back to my galaxy, to a relative that could be trusted and guide me to my real home to the Jedi Temple.

I’m here now because not only was my father special, but my mother as well. I guess you know why too or I wouldn’t be here.

My mother is a wizard. She was what you all say muggleborn. We actually have wizards in my galaxy though. We learned about them last year I believe. So I studied everything I could about them because Hogwarts had sent my acceptance letter. I became highly fascinated about Hogwarts, especially since you all use spells. The most challenging thing is that you all speak English. I speak Basic. Well, and a few other languages but you wouldn’t have heard of them. Anyways, but to be able to go to your school in your galaxy I had to learn a whole new language and custom in only a few months.

I was determined though. If my father could adapt then so could I. I went into private sessions with people and droids from all over the galaxy. I had stopped my Jedi studies; however, still practiced as one. Like I’ve said, I’m a Jedi. My heart will probably always go there.

So, when the time came I packed my things and said bye to my friends. I was heading to Earth. And that’s why and how I ended up on this Hogwarts Express. I’m different from everyone else, but that’s okay. The Force is still my ally.”

“And what’s your name?”

“Tom Riddle.”

Hoth: A Getaway Vacation

Are you tired of your planet? Do you need a vacation? Then come to Hoth! Hoth is a great place for you and your entire family. Located in the Anoat sector in the Outer Rim Territories, Hoth is the sixth planet of the remote Hoth system.

We recommend you staying at Echo Base where all basic needs are provided. This is a place where a kid can be a kid. This is also the place where teenagers can chill out in the Cool Cave. Pun intended. This is where adults can put their worries away as they finally have a chance to relax. Also, this is great for the elderly as they can go to the spa to wash their wrinkles out.

Laser tag is available. Please call for reservations first. Laser tag may last from one to two hours.

Celebrity Guest Stars that’s coming soon: the Solo Brothers; Kenobi Bieber; Jabba Cyrus

Stop by the store to get official merchandise! Now selling blue milk

Deals: Get the Family Pack 25% off when purchasing an official Rebels or Empire T-shirt!

Below are common questions asked by people like you.

I have a few young children. What can entertain them? Take them to the petting zoo where they can ride a tauntaun.

My uncle was attacked by a wampa today! Don’t worry. With our medical facilities, he will be in great hands in our bacta tanks.

Any historic places I can go? Yes! Take the AT-AT tour now! It will show you where the Battle of Hoth took place at.

Is there a place I can eat? Of course! Go to Dexter Jettster where they sell Jawa Juice, Dark Side Chips, Wookie Steak and everything else!

I’ve always wanted to fly! That’s okay! Because now you can take lessons to learn how to pilot an X-Wing fighter.

Reviews:

*****  GreedoShotFirst

Great place! The food was fantastic!

***** ThatPadawan21

I found an old probe droid! Highlight of my vacation!!!

** VaderIsMyMan

At first I thought they were people dressed as Rebels, but I’m pretty sure they’re ghosts!!! HELP!

Questions?

Call 8265-6374-09876

Official Website:

MyVacationAtHoth.com

Warning: Hoth is an ice planet. Temperature will stay between -32 C to -60 C. We are not responsible for frostbite; loss of arms and legs, and deaths. Dress appropriate.

Imperial Academy: Ordinary School Day

The Imperial Academy was a boarding school located on Dantooine. It was a place where adolescents received training until they became eligible to enroll in the Imperial Army. The requirements for this specific school was that the student needed to maintain excellent grades, excellent fitness, and to be a Human. Scholarships were offered to those who needed.

A day at the Academy began with and ended with drills. In between were classes and meals as well as a few breaks which were rare. Currently the upperclassmen were in galactic math with each classroom containing 500 students.

In the back sat three friends, two females and one male. The first female, Madlyn, was a blonde with long, flowing hair. This green-eyed girl stayed hyper, always using her imagination to its full extent.

The other female was Daala, a brown-headed being from Naboo. She was a beautiful princess who was highly opinionated in the way she thought. Everyone always knew what she was feeling.

The male, Exar, was a dashing ex-smuggler. One day he stole a TIE Fighter for “fun”. Instead of arresting him, the Empire saw potential in him, trading his prison sentence into a year of school.

“Stop it!” Daala cried out as Exar kept hitting her in the arm with a pencil. In response Exar snickered, clearly enjoying his actions, showing no motion of stopping.

“Leave her alone,” Madlyn tried reasoning, grabbing a hold of his arm. Exar yanked his arm free, glaring at Madlyn. “Please don’t kill me,” she meek, slightly flinching as if waiting for a punch in the face. Of course she knew he would never do it. It was just how their friendship worked.

Daala started to bounce in her seat as she remembered an event. “So I almost got hit yesterday.”

“Cool,” Exar emotionless said with a shrug.

Both girls looked at each other with a mutual expression. Most people would ask if the person was okay, or be pleased the person was alive. Not Exar.

“Well I care for you and yeah I know! That speeder got really close to you. I would have came to your rescue,” Madlyn offered.

“Thanks,” Daala replied meaningless. She glanced at Exar. “Are you okay?”

Exar sighed, shutting his eyes stressfully. “I hate Mrs. Leaf’s class.”

“Same,” Daala automatically agreed.

“Don’t worry,” Madlyn started. “If you keep driving with your eyes shut then you’ll be out of that class in no time.” Exar claimed that when no speeders were around, he would shut his eyes for three seconds while driving so his eyes could adjust to the sunlight. Madlyn viewed it as a perfect way to get killed.

“Set a bounty with your name on it today,” Exar casually said to Madlyn. “But I can’t decide if I want you dead or alive. If you’re alive then I could torture you with spiders.”

“Oh, I’m sure you’re leaning more towards dead. I know how much you’re looking forward to the day you get to dance on my grave.”

“Grrrrrr!” Daala suddenly exclaimed annoyingly. “He keeps looking back here.”

“He” was Visas, who was someone that irritated both Daala and Exar daily. Madlyn only had galactic math with him while the other two had almost all classes with him. Listening to them complain about him was a regular.

“I can’t handle him much longer!” Daala continued. “Just a few days ago he had turned around to tell me I was doing a drill wrong!”

“If I could, I would make him disappear,” Madlyn tried.

“Wish I could do the same to you.” Exar commented.

“Would you be nice to her already?” Daala exasperated to Exar before turning her attention to Madlyn. “And quit being weird! Get your foot away from your head. And just pay attention to the instructor! You’re stressing me out. Gosh, this is why I don’t learn! I have to deal with the two of you.”

Both smiled in response.

From an outside view, no one would guess these three were friends, no one could guess their unique friendship. To everyone, it sounded as if they hated each other and could care less of one another; however, it was the little moments that counted. In those hidden moments, one could see the special bond that held them together and the love they had for one another.

Galactic Republic Chancery election debate

*This is a parody of the United States presidential election debate*

Galactic Republic Chancery election debate –live on HoloNet News (HNN)

RUPIN: With thousands of lifeforms with me tonight, and even a billion more at home, I bring you live broadcast from 500 Republica on Coruscant. It is currently 1900 hours as the time has come for this year’s last Galactic Republic Chancery election debate.

(APPLAUSE)

RUPIN: Chut chut, I am Jedi Padawan Marva Rupin . . .

(APPLAUSE)

RUPIN: . . .and tonight, thanks to the polls you’ve completed, our candidates will answer the questions you want answered, perhaps ending this four-lead tie.

RUPIN: On the far left side of the stage, from the Dark Side party, we have Darth Vader: Dark Lord of the Sith: former slave and Jedi’s Chosen One.

(APPLAUSE)

RUPIN: More machine now than man, this iconic cyborg is second-in-command of Emperor Palpatine, a position he hopes to overthrow.

RUPIN: Next, from the Light Side party, is not just another strange old hermit next door. It is Obi-Wan Kenobi: former Jedi Master and General in the old Republic.

(APPLAUSE)

RUPIN: Although now a force ghost since his death aboard the Death Star, this old fossil still has a few Jedi mind tricks up his sleeves.

RUPIN: Also from the Light Side party, standing at only .66 m is Yoda: Grand Jedi Master of the demolished Jedi Order.

(APPLAUSE)

RUPIN: Judge him not by his size but the words of his wisdom, as this little green troll is nearing 900 years old.

RUPIN: Last, but not least, from the Independent party, is Han Solo: smuggler, turned rebel hero.

(APPLAUSE)

RUPIN: Making the Kessel Run in less than 12 parsecs, this scoundrel doesn’t believe in hokey religions as no mystical energy field controls his destiny, not as long as a good blaster is by his side of course.

RUPIN: The rules are simple. Each candidate will have thirty seconds to answer each question. A buzzer will be heard to tell when time is up. No candidate may interrupt the other, and no candidate may go over the time that is offered.

RUPIN: Starting off, a year ago today the Death Star was destroyed by no other than Luke Skywalker, a farmer boy from Tatooine. Word is that a second Death Star is being built at this very second. Do you, or do not believe in this planet-destroying space station? Vader?

VADER: Hello, is this thing on? Okay, I believe the Death Star is the way to go.

SOLO: Of course wheezy here agrees with this. I don’t understand why you would ask this question to him.

RUPIN: Han, please don’t interrupt. This is a warning.

VADER: *coughcough* Continuing—

(DING)

RUPIN: Sorry, time’s up. Moving on.

RUPIN: Obi-Wan, you once claimed Imperial stormtroopers are highly skilled soldiers being ever so precise. Do you still agree with your original statement? If not, how would you replace our current military?

KENOBI: *chuckle* Well, those weren’t exactly my words, but no, I do not still agree. Admitting, I was in exile at the time—“

VADER: Like the coward he really is.

KENOBI: *clears throat* …as I was saying, assuming wrong, I thought they were the clone troopers I once fought along with nineteen years prior. But these bucketheads, haha, can’t tell the difference between a Wookie and an Ewok! There’s a reason I told Luke to run, and not scout for cover! Answering your question—“

(RING)

RUPIN: Oh, so sorry; however, time is up. Moving on. This is one of the most controversial questions out there, going to no other than Han Solo: Who shot first?

SOLO: *chuckle* I’m never going to admit if I shot first or not. Mostly because I don’t want to be charged with murder, but I will say this: I happen to like to shoot first . . . opposed to shooting second.

RUPIN: Thank you. Now moving on. Yoda, you can predict the future. What does the Force tell you right now?

YODA: Mhhhhmmm. Difficult to predict the future, it is. Always in motion, it is. Vote for me, our future is clouded if you do not.

RUPIN: Right, thank you Master. Any last words candidates?

KENOBI: You will vote for me

VADER: Come to the dark side. We’ve got cookies.

SOLO: I’m just in this for the money.

YODA: Trust in me, if you trust in the Force, then you can.

Galactic Language 101

     

     Hello, earthlings! My name is Jedi Padawan Marva Rupin and I will be your Jedi instructor in Galactic Language 101. Today we will start the basics in learning the languages Galactic Basic Standard, Huttese, Shyriiwook, and Binary.

Galactic Basic Standard:

     To begin, Galactic Basic Standard, or just Basic for short, is the most widely known way of communication in the Star Wars galaxy, heavily used in the Core Worlds as a second if not first language. This is the primary language of the Human species, specifically on the planets Coruscant, Alderaan, and Naboo. For this reason, many earthlings can speak Basic fluently as it is the same language as English minus a few words or phrases.

     For example, while earthlings say, “When pigs fly,” a Coruscanti would say, “When jawas swim,” since pigs aren’t common creatures, and Jawa’s native home is Tatooine, a desert planet.

     Here is a list of words that might prove helpful if you’re to visit:

Blaster = Gun

Turbolift = Elevator

Bacta = Neosporin

Airspeeder = Airplane

     Note: Basic does have its’ own written language; however, it is not similar to earthlings own Latin alphabet. Speakers of Basic read and write in Aurebesh.

Notable speakers: Obi-Wan Kenobi; Luke Skywalker; Ahsoka Tano

Huttese:

     If you ever drift far enough into the galaxy, you will wind up in Hutts Space surrounded by scums most likely speaking in Huttese, the second most common language in the galaxy. It is also the nastiest language as it’s always used to degrade one another which doesn’t surprise as this is the native language of the Hutts. Hutts are infamously known as gangsters, shaped as disgusting slugs with no bones. It will be your last mistake if you catch yourself entangled with them.

     Pointing out, many are high opinionated of the language Huttese as they believe their native tongue is superior to even Galactic Basic Standard. Also, like learning any new language, Huttese will take time to become fluent in. Don’t get discouraged if your friend, who is a Nimbanels or a Rodian, learns the language faster than you. They have advantages that as an earthling you’ll never have.

     For today, you will learn how to count starting with the number 0. Keep in mind that Hutts have eight fingers so their counting base is eight instead of ten. To save confusion for now, this is translated into Basic Value.

Nobo = 0

Bo = 1

Dopa = 2

Duba = 3

Fwanna = 4

K’wanna = 5

Keeta = 6

Goba = 7

Hunto = 8

Besska = 9

Bobobba = 10

     Notable Non/Native Speakers: Jabba the Hutt; Anakin Skywalker; Ziro the Hutt; Sebulba

Shyriiwook:

     The main trade language of the Wookies, Shyriiwook, also known as Wookieespeak, translates to Basic as, “tongue of the tree people”. Wookies, or “walking carpets” as Princess Leia refereed to one once, are the inhabitants of the planet Kashyyyk.

     One of the most recognizable species in the galaxy, Wookies are very kind in nature, but are destructive, such as pulling out people's arms out of their sockets when provoked. Similar to how Wookies aren’t capable of learning other languages than their native, outsiders can’t speak Shyriwook; however, can understand it.

      To any earthling, or anyone in general, Shyriiwook may sound like random animal growls, grunts, and whines, but when you understand the language, you realize just how intelligent it really is.

     Let’s take a look:

headache =  yo agaahaa

I have a headache

I have a yo agaahaa

doorway = haaag

There’s the doorway

There’s the haaag

Roooarrgh ur roo = I’ve got a bad feeling about this

Wugaga hu uwamma Woohiee wa-ah? = Who was that Wookie I saw you with last night?

Binary

      While droids may not be common on Earth, life wouldn’t be the same without them in the Star Wars universe, and while you can understand some droids, such as protocols, all others seem like they can only beep and bop at you. You start to wonder if the artificial intelligent robot can even understand you, or what they’re even saying back as some sound like they need an attitude check. 

     Yes, I’m referring to Artoo.

     Back on subject, these droids do comprehend what you’re saying, and they are answering back to you in their own language. This is called Binary, otherwise known as Droidspeak. Learning this language can be extremely helpful in all situations, anywhere in the galaxy.

     Let’s say you’re trying to pass through a door, but the droid guarding it won’t let you, beeping the same thing over and over again. Knowing Binary, you will understand that “Blurp blEEp Whee Hrng aba dweep,” is actually, “Please show me your security clearance pass”.

     And if you were to be pulled over by a security droid, you will know, “DooBWOOP pfft-PRROO tweeDAna WRRooU?” is actually, “Could I see your license and registration”.

     Then it helps while traveling through hyperspace that you understand the droid while playing ISpy. “DEEDo dopfft woowOO WEEyooo!” (I spy a Death Star)

Conclusion:

     These languages are important to know if you are to ever visit the Star Wars galaxy. Of course there are over a billion to learn, these are the most popular. Let’s review!

“He has a yo agaahaa in the duba turbolift.”

“He has a headache in the third elevator.”

That is all in today’s Galactic Language 101 class. Next week we will go over in more detail of these four languages, and will be introduced to Yoda’s language, and the language of the Ewoks. Practice what you have learned. May the Force be with you!

When Jawas Swim

As the Force tells me to move, I perform a jung, quickly using a cho sun to the B2-HA series super battle droid that took aim at me. Hearing the sound of an unfolding droideka, I fearfully look for Stopper, knowing only he had the gentle hand to roll the thermal detonator through the destroyer’s built-in shield projector. Finding him among the chaos, I watch briefly as he works his way through the battlefield to the droid. I nod slightly to myself, liking the fact words aren't needed here in battle. Spotting the last of the LM-432 crab droid, I force dash towards it knowing it’s up to me to take him out. Normally it’s a job the veteran clones did, but only one is left standing, and he’s still busy with the droideka.

Avoiding its blaster cannons, I force jump into the air, landing on the droid’s back. Doing a shiak, I impale my four-legged opponent. Back-flipping off the droid, I take the moment to survey the progress of the battle. Smiling in satisfaction as I realize only the standard battle droids remain, I raise my lightsaber in the air, moving it in a circular motion to let my men know they could disperse from the Circle of Shelter to take out the remaining droids. The playing field still remains odd as they outnumber us forty to twenty; however, I am a Jedi Padawan, and myself alone is worth fifty of them.

Gladly, I switch from the defensive form of Soresu to the form of Shien as the real fun is just beginning. With it still being a new concept to me, I carelessly hurled my lightsaber out in front of me in a boomerang fashion. Swiftly the blue, blazing weapon takes out four droids at once. As I find another victim, I cartwheel onto a clanker’s shoulders, doing a mou kei as I recalled my lightsaber back to my hand. Making eye contact with Jumper, I levitate him steady in the air as he fires at all droids, picking them off one by one. Painfully feeling an E-5 blaster rifle being shoved into my jaw, I perform a perfect Falling Leaf, catching Jumper with the Force before his face meets the ground.

When the last of the droids went down, I . . .

"MaryBeth!"

Exiting out of my imagination, I look at my teacher in bewilderment. Seeing a few of my classmates snicker at my confusion, I try sitting taller in my seat, hoping I don't look as helpless as I feel. The teacher continues to stare at me, clearly expecting some type of answer.

"Can you repeat?" I ask meekly.

By then then the entire classroom erupt in laughter as the teacher storms away. I roll my eyes, not believing I left my mind for this. Resting my head on my arm, I think back to my day dream, wishing it was real. I was living in the Clone Wars as a Jedi with my own platoon of troops. Starting out as a blue milk run, the clanker army had set up an ambush, making us feel like a dwarfnut. They were still no match for us as we were as smooth as the surface of a neutron star. Sighing roughly, I wish I knew how the aftermath of the battle went. I want to know what the casualties were, what the council would think of this attack, and how I would continue from there. Shrugging casually, I knew I could just continue my journey tomorrow.